英文爆笑贴:Xi is the new leader of China

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10 years have passed since Mr. Hu Jingtao became president of China. In 2012, Mr. Xi Jinping will become China’s new president. White House is once again having a discussion of the new leader in China.

Characters: Barak is the President; Hillary is the secretary of the States; Bill No. 1 is the former President; Bill No. 2 is the President’s Chief of Staff.

(In the Rose Garden of the White House)

Hillary: Mr. President. China will have a new president this year.

Barak: Who is the new leader of China?

Hillary: No, Hu will be retiring. Xi (she) is the new leader of China.

Barak:  Who is she?

Hillary: No, Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi.

Barak:  I know Hu is a guy. Now will they have a female leader in China?

Hillary: No, Xi is a guy too.  

Barak:  She is a guy? Who is he?

Hillary: Yes. Hu is a he.

Barak:  I know Hu is he. Then who is She?

Hillary: No, Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi.

Barak:  You just said She is a guy?

Hillary: Yes.

Barak:  How dare you say she is a guy! If she is a guy, then I will be a lady.

Hillary: No, I am a lady, you are a guy.

Barak:  Then why you call she is a guy?

Hillary: Because Xi is a guy!

Barak:  How do you know she is a guy?

Hillary: Because Xi was married, Xi has a wife.

Barak:  Does China also approve same sex marriage?

Hillary: No.

Barak:  Then why she can marry to a woman?

Hillary: Because Xi is a man.

Barak:  You mean she is a man?

Hillary: Yes sir.

Barak:  I know Yasser  is a man, but he is a dead man.  Hu picked she?

Hillary: Yes sir.

Barak:  Let’s forget Yasser, he is dead already. Ok?

Hillary: Ok. In order to know Xi better, I have sent someone to meet him.

Barak:  Mind your grammar, Ms. Secretary of the States! The object pronoun of she is her, not him, Ok? No wonder why I insist education all the time. So, who did you send to meet She?

Hillary: Locke.

Barak:  Lock? You send a lock to She? China is rich now, they won't be satisfied with a lock. We should send her a better gift, like an iPhone .  Speaking of iPhone, it is sad to lose Jobs this year.

Hillary: But sir, the job marketing is improving now, we added over 200,000 jobs last month.

Barak:  No, no, I mean the Jobs for Apple.

Hillary: While, since most farms let visitors pick apples themselves, the jobs for apple picking...(interrupted by Barak)

Barak: Enough. Let's go back to China. China is not our friend now, we should spy them. Why don't we send She a bug? Will She buy any special airplane from Boeing like Jian Zeming? We can install bugs on his plane.

Hillary: We don't know yet.

Barak: Prepare some bugs anyway. By the way, you can contact Bloomberg for free bugs. I heard the beds in New York city are full of bugs.

Hillary: Ok.

Barak:  I am tired, let's take a break. Bill? (He called out.)

Hillary: Sir, we are in the White House now, not in the restaurant.

Barak:  I am not going to pay anything.

Hillary: Yes, I know the taxpayer will pay for us.

Barak:  No, no. Stop talking about tax, it makes me feel sick.  I just want Bill. Do you know where is my Bill?

Hillary: No. I did not bring cash with me.  If you need money, I can give you my credit card.

Barak:  No, I do not want money. I want the guy, Bill.

Hillary: Oh, I did not bring Bill with me either. He is now being interviewed by my daughter.

Barak:  Bill is looking for a new job? I thought he is happy with me.

Hillary: No, Bill is happy with me! He is loyal to me, while, most of the time. Most importantly, he is not a gay.  He will not be happy with you.

Barak:  Ok, that Bill! Then why is he interviewed by his own daughter? Is he gonna work for her?

Hillary: No, my daughter is now a correspondent for a media. She is responsible for "Making a Difference".  

Barak: No need of her, I can make the difference here: Your Bill is not my Bill. Here comes my Bill.

Bill: Yes, sir?

Barak: No more Yasser, Please! He is history. Now tell me who won the Iowa caucus?

Bill: Mitt.

Barak: Meat? I thought Iowa is famous for its beef.

Bill: Yes.

Barak: Then who won?

Bill: Mitt.

Barak: I hate meat.  Beef is juicier and more delicious. So tell me who won the Iowa caucus?

Bill: Mitt.

Barak: Ok, meat! But I prefer meatloaf. Oh, probably also a bowl of Condi Rice, and a cup of Annan Kofi. And when you pay the Bill, do not forget to get a receipt! We need reimbursement from the taxpayers.


也许是画蛇添足,不过为帮助不熟悉政治的朋友更好理解这些笑话,做一点注释:

Locke:Gary Locke,美国驻华大使

Mitt: Mitt Romney, 美国共和党总统候选人之一

Yasser: Yasser arafat,巴勒斯坦前领导人

Rice: Condoleezza Rice, 美国前国务卿

Kofi: Kofi Annan, 前联合国秘书长

Jobs: Steve Jobs, 已故苹果CEO

www.ddhw.com

 

xixi...

  who is Xi

哈-哈-哈-哈

  No, no, no, Xixi is the new leader of China