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1. Not to Be Taken Out
Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbour in Tarry town.
"May I borrow a book from you?" he asked politely.
"Yes,you're more than welcome to it," the neighbour told him.
"But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library."
Some days later the neighbour wished to borrow Twain's machine for cutting grass in the garden.
"Why,certainly," Twain told him,"You're more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden."

2. Lecture
On a snowstorm day, a college professor drove 75 kilos to teach only to find one audience in the classroom. Then, when he finished lecturing and was ready to leave, the person that has been sitting in the audience seat stopped him:"Don't go! I'm the next lecturer scheduled for this room."

3. Why Is He Howling　
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!

Holding a baby in her arms, a woman visited a gynecologist(妇产科医生).
"Is the baby breast fed or is he on bottle?" asked the doctor.
"Breast fed, of course!" replied the woman.
"Take off your clothes, please." the doctor ordered.
"What? ...But why?"
"Don't worry. you're in a gynecology clinic and I'll just do a routine medical check for you."
The woman reluctantly took off her clothes.
The doctor carefully examined the woman's breasts, groping his fingers around and pressing repeatedly.
When finished, the doctor said to the woman:"No wonder the baby is malnourished(营养不良). You have no milk at all!"
The woman replied angrily:"Nonsense! Of course not. I am the baby's aunt!"

8.All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."
(在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的.)

验算
考试中某学生拿出骰子，摇出十道选择题答案。快结束时他突然又拿出来摇。监考师终于忍无可忍： “你在干什么？”
学生答：“我在验算。”

到哪里
某日，一位小姐打电话叫出租车。小姐：“你好！我在某某路口，我要搭计程车。”
司机：“那你穿着什么衣服呢？”小姐：“我穿白色上衣，蓝色裙子。”
司机：“到哪里？”
小姐：“到膝盖。”

司机：“。。。。。。”

印度甩饼
埃及和印度的人...，是不用草纸的，他们响应过自然的召唤后，你们知道他们怎么样吗？他们用自己的左手来清洁的，然后就用水冲一下. 我每次路过某大厦，看到那里买印度甩饼的队排得那么长，我都掩面而笑地走过去，要知道啊，那硬度甩饼一个手是甩不起来的啊。

看腿识人
在某大学的一次动物考试中，主考教授宣布试题道：在教室前面放着十只鸟，每只鸟都用布袋罩着，只有腿露在外面。请你们认真地观察每只鸟的腿，然后说出它们各自的俗名，习性，类属等。
一位大学生观察了每只鸟的腿，但这些鸟在他看来，似乎没什么不同，他越看越气恼，起身对教授说：“这样的考试太无聊了，谁能做到看腿识鸟？”
教授对他的言行感到吃惊，连忙问道： “你是哪个班的，叫什么名字？”
恼怒的大学生走到讲台把裤管往上一提，向教授吼道：“你猜啊，你猜啊！”